SECOND IN A SERIES: EASY ANSWERS TO TOUGH QUESTIONS ABOUT ELDERCARE
(click here to view the first article)
In the first article, we listed some of the fundamental tough questions about eldercare. We discussed some possible causes of Mom/Dad/Wife/Husband’s resistance to getting outside help with eldercare. In this article we discuss some ways that can help convince Mom/Dad/Wife/Husband to accept and cooperate with outside help for eldercare.
To overcome the pride that is often a major reason a senior resists outside help with eldercare, try:
- “Mom, think of all the times you helped others who needed you, including me/us. Now is your time to let others help you.”
To overcome resistance caused by fear of having a stranger in their home, try:
- “Dad, you will be safer during the time you have someone you know and trust here with you than when you are here alone.”
To overcome resistance to spending money for outside help with elder care, try:
- “Mom, let’s add up what you and I/we are spending that can be reduced or eliminated by getting outside help. [e.g., fast food and pre-cooked meals; housecleaning services; public transportation or taxis; my/our gasoline for running additional errands; my/our lost time from work; clothes going to the cleaners; minor or major household and car repairs that might be avoided; etc.]
- “Dad, do you ever feel you are imposing on your friends and neighbors when you ask them to help? Although they are happy to help sometimes, they often incur costs when they do.”
- “Mom, can we put a price on your safety, comfort, and happiness?”
To help the parent or other spouse to understand that it is the children or spouse who are also seeking help for themselves through outside help with eldercare, try:
- “Dad, I/we will continue helping you, but I/we just can’t keep doing what we are doing. I/we also have commitments to my/our children, spouse, and/or work. Getting some outside help won’t stop us from helping you, but it will allow us to also do the many other things we need and want to do.”
- “Mom, during the time we spend with you, I/we don’t want to take most of it doing chores and running errands for you. We want to be able to visit and talk, do fun things, and help you to relax and be happy. Getting outside help will allow me/us to do more of those things with you.”
Overcoming resistance to outside help with eldercare can be a process over time, requiring patience and compassion. Overcoming resistance also usually requires firmness and perseverance. The goal is to start getting a little help sooner, at a lower level of help, rather than waiting for a crisis to occur. Injury or illness can quickly change a senior’s physical and cognitive abilities. Illness, injury, and the needs of other family members can quickly limit an adult child’s or spouses ability and availability to providing help.
An earlier, planned, gradual introduction of outside help is much easier for everyone than is a hurried, forced start, when a higher level of help is necessary.
In the next article I will address the third tough question about eldercare.
- With what things should we have outside help for eldercare?
Greg Dodd, CSA
Greg is a Certified Senior Advisor (CSA) and can be found in the Find CSAs section of the Society of Certified Senior Advisors® website (www.csa.us).
Greg and his wife, Katie, own a franchise of Seniors Helping Seniors® services in Dallas, Texas. Their website is http://www.seniorcaredallasnorth.com/Home.html and their phone number is 214-478-4198.
